What not to say to someone who's grieving

Have you ever had someone close to you lose someone they loved and not known what to do or what to say to them?
I have, a friend who has lost both a son and a husband. I found it so hard to know what to say to her and so I asked her and she told me some things that you SHOULDN'T say, so I thought I would share them with you.
"It's God's will, he knows best"
"You have other children....you should live for them"
"You should keep busy"
"There are other people worse off than you"
"Don't dwell on it"
"They are in a better place"
"They're not suffering anymore"
"I know how you feel" (unless you to have been through exactly what they are going through. ie both lost a partner to cancer.)
"At least you had them for x number of years"

But remember it is better to be there and say the wrong thing occasionally than to stay away.
They need you to be there. You may need to see them or call them every couple of days for many months.

Let people talk, reassure them that everything they say is ok and that they are in a safe environment. Allow them the emotions that come up whatever they are. They don't want to hear about other peoples experiences. They want to be allowed to be in their grief, to feel what they are feeling and know it is okay. They will often repeat the same story over and over again, they need to speak their story until they feel they have really been heard and till they hear themselves telling it. Then they will naturally move to the next stage when they are ready. You can't speed the process along. Even though you may want them to be back to their old self and living life again that won't happen until they are ready. they will never be their old selves, they will be a person who has suffered grief and will be changed by it but they will eventually start to move on with their lives, but they will never be "over" it so don't expect them to be.

You can say you are sorry, that you remember the person, if you do.
Let them talk and let them cry.
Be their friend, let them still be a part of your life, let them know whats going on in your life, even though they may feel sad that life is still going on for everyone else they still want to be included and be told about your life. But don't complain about things that they can no longer do, like buying presents or organizing birthday parties etc.  If you are going to events they would normally be invited to, still invite them. if they don't feel up to it, they will say no. Don't make decisions for them.

I hope this will help you through a difficult time and will help you to help those around you.

Photo blog of things to be grateful for

For those of you who are interested in the 365 Grateful project, I have uploaded the latest pictures athttp://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150188485753796.324325.135415283795

For those of you who don't know what this is all about, it is finding something to be grateful for, for a whole year. I have chosen to take photos of what I am grateful for. I encourage you to take up the challenge and also look for things to be grateful for.

Soulistry-Artistry

I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine:-
Here's what she had to say:
Would love to have your followers be part of the Soulistry FB page (www.facebook.co​m/soulistry)
Okay - short post ... I'm the Founder and Facilitator of "Soulistry-Arti​stry of the Soul" an umbrella for workshops and retreats and publications that connect spirituality and creativity. "Soulistry-Arti​stry of the Soul: Creative Ways to Nurture Your Spirituality" has just been published and is now available on Amazon etc. To read book reviews, have a look at www.soulistry.c​om/category/boo​kreviews

Rest is the next best thing.

What is rest?
Peace, ease, or refreshment resulting from sleep or the cessation of an activity.

Sleep or quiet relaxation. Relief or freedom from disquiet or disturbance. Mental or emotional tranquillity.

Most people associate rest with sleep, but you are able to rest while being fully awake.

Why do we need to rest?

A quarter of all women and a fifth of men who work full time say they are dissatisfied with their work-life balance according to the 2010 Australian Work & Life Index. If we are able to have time to rest and relax we are better able to deal with the stresses of life. 32% of people also have insomnia or sleep disturbances, so they are stuck in a vicious cycle. However you can still get rest and recharge your batteries. According to Dr Matthew Edlund we need four types of rest - physical,social,mental & spiritual rest. 

So how can you get rest and restore balance to your life?

You take some "Me" Time.

Physical rest can just be a 5 min doze, social rest is about spending time with people that make us happy, mental relaxation can include visulization and listening, and for spiritual rest we need to be present in the moment. The way I find to do this most effectively is to sit out in nature and just enjoy the moment, however if you can't do this look at an image of nature instead, be present in the moment and imagine yourself in this setting. Spend a few minutes doing this a few times a day & you will experience the benefits. 

This is what I bring to you in my photography and art, a way to rest & relax wherever you are.

Natures Window http://juliakharwood.redbubble.com/sets/149771/works

Allow youself to imagine that you are sitting in this natural rock window looking out at the vista before you, feel the warmth of the sun's rays and the cool touch of a gentle breeze, see the reflections in the water and allow yourself to flow through the landscape with the river. Take a deep breathe and inhale the scent of the bush. Take time to rest!!!

Whale Watching

Whale's tail as it dives.

Today I got to tick something off my bucket list....Whale Watching. i had always wanted to take a boat cruise to see the whales, but had always put it off because I didn't want to get sick. But today was the day, I took my sea sick tablets and yet I still ended up feeling quite green, but it was worth it. Sometimes we have to put up with a little discomfort to realise our dreams. I didn't get as many photo's as I would have liked, but being ill made me sit back & just be in the moment, something us photographers often forget to do. Just sitting & watching them without getting frustrated about the missed images was very healing & calming. They really are absolutely magnificent creatures. Here are some of the pics I did get.

Whale's diving

Things I am grateful for

Man & His best friend.....just one of the things I'm thankful for...

I have just updated my 365 day grateful project, so if you'd like to follow it goto https://www.facebook.com/Photography.by.Julia.K.Harwood/ and under photos look for 365 day grateful album.

Dolphin magic

Many of us get great pleasure and company from their pets, but when we commune with wild animals in their enviroment, something magical seems to happen. It is as if these wild animals are taking time out to interact with us even when there is nothing in it for them. For me it helps to put life into perspective. Dolphins are beautiful creatures who own nothing and have to hunt each day for their food & yet still have time to frollick and play and even interact with us. I hope you can take the time to relax and just spend some time with them here.

I've got my eye on you:)

Freinds

Let's play

Hello

serene